Blackout: Chapter 2

Previously

From the Journal of Jason Forrester

10 October 2012

Well, I am officially a member of the Marine Corps Reserves.  The LT said it would get me out of country while they worked to get me discharged.  According to him, the documents should be finalized by the time the plane touches down in KC.  I hope he is right.

God, I haven't been home for over a year and a half.

How do I explain this to my father?

How do I explain this to the Gunny?

The LT also told me that he would let me know when the funerals are.  Those letters were the hardest thing I ever wrote, but I don't know how I can face the mothers of the four men I left behind.  Not going would be an even worse act of betrayal though, wouldn't it?

Kansas City International Airport

12 October 2012

Jayce became aware of a hand on his shoulder and a soft voice saying his name.  "Sergeant Forrester, you need to wake up now."

Looking up, he was pleasantly surprised to see the hand on his should was that of the chief flight attendant.  She was cute.  "Sorry, what?"

"Sergeant Forrester, the plane is landing and you need to return your seat to,"

"The full and upright position."  He finished with her.  "Thanks."

He gave her a weak smile and did as she instructed.

"Your hat," she said, handing him his utility cover.

"Thanks."

"No, thank you."

Jayce winced at that.  Ever since landing at Shannon, he had been thanked by dozens of people while in the customs line.  At Newark, a group of veterans with the local VFW and American Legion Post had been there to greet him and a couple of others.  The guys who led him off the plane had been excited, one of them had been introduced to his newborn daughter for the first time.  But one of the American Legion guys had recognized the look in his eyes and told him simply, "It gets better."

Thankfully, there weren't any other military on his flight, and the Captain had taken one look at Jayce and moved him up to First Class with orders that the air crew try to give him some privacy.  Veterans always looking out for their own.  You never leave a man behind, and he had.  It only hurt him more.

Stepping off the plane, he was surrounded by people who wanted to shake his hand and thank him.  He couldn't meet their eyes, and his hands were like dead fish as he shook their hands.  It left them muttering and casting aside glances at him as they drifted away.

Even the civvies can sense I did something wrong, he thought to himself.

He managed a smile when he saw his mother and  father waiting for him at the gate.  His mother wrapped him in a hug and cried tears of joy, "Thank God you are home, son."

Though he winced at that, the thought of the nine men his leadership failure had put in the ground flashing through his mind, he managed to keep his fake smile on his face for his father's benefit.   

They could not know why he was home.

His mom could sense his unease, and after a few non-committal answers, she decided to drop it.  Neither of them could remember whether they talked about the Chief's ongoing abysmal year, Jayce's annoyance at not being able to watch a hockey game due to the NHL lockout, or even the weather.  None of it seemed to matter, as if the two of them were talking for the sake of talking.  Talking to fill the void they both could feel.  His father just remained silent, taking in the scene.  He knew his son, Jayce would talk to him in his own time, when he was ready.

Something had gone wrong, and Jayce was taking it very hard.  Whether he deserved to place the blame on himself or not, his son was doing so.  But the burden of it was heavy, and it darkened Jayce's otherwise bright and inquisitive brow.  It was as if a shadow had fallen over his son.  This was not the young man who had called them at the beginning of the month with his excitement over pinning on Staff Sergeant and taking command of a squad of Marines.  This was someone different.  If only Arturius was not stuck up in Omaha .  His son needed to decompress with an old friend.

The ride home was uncomfortable in its silence as Jayce just stared out the windows in silence, his eyes darting between vehicles on the highway, looking for threats.  He remained tense, flinching away from semis as they came up the on-ramps, and reaching for a gun which was not there when cars sped past them.

Michael had seen enough war movies to know that his son's mind was still in Afghanistan.  His mind was still on some distant battlefield, fighting a battle he had lost.  A battle in which friends or subordinates died.  Deaths he blamed on himself.

Arriving back at home, Jayce grabbed his bags and just stared up at the green house.  It was older than he was, his parents the only owner it had ever known.  It had known two dogs before his Australian Shepherd, Bastion, had moved in.  He had drawn on the walls with crayons, broken a leg in the front yard jumping out of the old oak tree at its center, his first kiss had been on the front porch with Rachel Stevens, his room was the one over the garage.  And yet, it felt so alien to him now.  He felt like he had never stepped within.  Not even the sight of Bastion's rapidly wagging tail was enough to make him feel at home.

He jumped when his father clapped him on the shoulder, "You going to come in, or just stand out here admiring the house?"

"Sorry, it just…doesn't feel right, you know?"

"No, and I doubt I ever really will.  When you are ready to talk son, let me know.  Until then, I am sure Bast would love to finally see you again.  He has been waiting by that door all year."

Lenexa, KS

19 October 2012

Jayce could hear the muffled voices from the front hall.  Bastion had one ear pointing in their direction, tracking the conversation, but otherwise just lay on Jayce's chest as he surfed the internet from his bed.  Bastion, smart dog that he was, knew there was something wrong with his human, and had decided to stick close.  For his part, Jayce liked having Bast nearby.  Bast couldn't judge him, Bast couldn't recriminate him for leaving people behind.  For not even stopping to see if the men under his command were alright.

Jayce knew, abstractly that he needed to get out of his own head, but for some reason he was having trouble doing it.  He needed to get out and about, but even after his release papers had been fully signed and he was officially cut loose, he still felt wrong.  He was neither a Civilian nor a Marine, but rather something else entirely.  Neither fish nor fowl, with no place to rest his head.

"Great, I am getting poetical.  Bast, if I start quoting Kipling or Solomon, bite me please."

Bastion just cocked his head inquisitively, and nuzzled Jayce's hand to get him to start scratching behind the ears again.  Jayce was more than happy to oblige.

The knock on the door came as no surprise, Jayce had heard his mother come up the stairs and dither near his door, but it still made him jump nonetheless.

"Jayce, can we talk for a moment?"

"Sure mom, just let me clean up real quick."

Before he joined the Marines, that might have been necessary.  Now, he just picked up a loose sock and chucked it at the dirty clothes hamper.  With all the aerodynamics of a sheet of loose paper, it understandably missed.

"Come in."

His mother opened the door.  Anne Forrester was slim for her age, and she had her almost perpetual farmer's tan.  Hazards of working as marketing director at a nursery.

"Jason, I am worried about you, cooped up in your room all alone.  I know you have Bastion in here with you, but I feel like you need to talk to someone.  It's been a week, and you haven't left your room except to eat."

She was wrong, Jayce often went on late night walks around the neighborhood with Bastion after she had fallen asleep.  The first funeral was in five days.  He had to catch a flight to Chicago in three.  It was Lance Corporal Jaimes' funeral.  How do you explain to a mother that you didn't even stop to check on her son?  It would be closed casket as well.

"Listen, there is going to be a dance at Redemptorist.  The VFW managed to get a bunch of young ladies from the local community colleges to show up and dance with the guys coming home.  I would like to see you there."

Jayce managed not to wince, but the reluctance in his eyes was plain to see.

"Jayce, I think this would be good for you.  Get out, meet some new people.  Maybe meet someone nice."

"Okay, I'll go."

"Great," his mother smiled, "Oh, and go in uniform.  No cover charge for veterans in uniform."

Kansas City, MO

19 October 2012

Rebecca Reynes plunged into her closet and pushed clothes around.  "God, I can't believe my classes."  She could hear Lisa shrugging off a dress as she griped.  "Why do I have to take chemistry in the first place?"

"Because you want to be a nurse.  Just be glad you haven't started the anatomy classes yet.  I hear those are horrible."

"What about you, don't you hate those law classes of yours?"

Rebecca pulled out a blue dress, and held it up in front of herself in the mirror, and scowled in uncertainty.  "Nope, but then I also was on the Varsity team in Debate.  This is just a more impressive, and more important, form of it.  I actually prefer the philosophy stuff.  Its fun."

She could almost hear Lisa rolling her eyes.  Lisa was in college to get her Mrs.  Her nursing degree was incidental to the situation.  In fact, Rebecca was convinced Lisa was going to the dance to find a young officer with career prospects to marry.

Pulling out a purple cocktail dress with short sleeves, a classic cut, and a sheath silhouette which hugged her curves.  On top of that, it brought out the blue of her eyes and the red of her hair.  She had worn it to her senior homecoming dance, and she had turned heads.

"If you don't like all the science, why not go into a different track?  Why not go into business administration instead?"

"I don't know, I kinda like the idea of being a nurse.  I just don't like doing the hard work to get it."

Rebecca looked back at her, bemused.  "You do know that nursing is science right?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah.  How about this dress?"

It was an orange halter.  "Ooh, that goes well with your hair.  I have some jewelry which will go well with it.  Orange tourmaline and gold.  Want to check it out?"

"Sure, sounds about right.  How about you, you going to wear that purple dress?"

"Yeah, I have a lot of amethyst jewelry to go with all the purple clothing in my closet."

Rebecca wasn't interested in getting her Mrs. just yet, she still had to study for her LSAT's next semester.  She didn't have time for a relationship.  It was either that or become addicted to coffee.

Redemptorist Parish

20 October 2012

Jayce was actually enjoying himself, he was surprised to say.  Granted, it was mostly just enjoying watching the young women in beautiful dresses float around like bits of wrapping paper on the wind.

A number of young women had caught his eye and asked him to join him for a dance, but he had turned them down so far.  All except for a Marine Aviator with combat experience under her belt, and she had almost had to order him to do so.  Marines don't leave their own behind, she had said.

Beyond that, he was content to be a wallflower and let others have fun without his dragging it down too much.  It was enough to see women who weren't covered in a sky-blue burlap sack with a breathing vent but rather in clothing which flattered their bodies and made them look like actual human beings.

Rebecca was really enjoying herself at the dance.  All of the young Soldiers and Sailors and Marines were so eager to make her happy, and a few of the young officers even knew how to dance.  It was such a change from the clubs Lisa enjoyed where she just felt like a piece of meat on the dance floor.  The compliments she got really went to her head as well, and she knew it had swollen to twice its normal size.  Honestly, though, these boys needed to spend more time away from the burlap bags the Afghans dressed their women in.

That was when she spotted the young Marine Staff Sergeant standing by himself against the wall, afraid to make eye contact.

"Good evening Staff Sergeant," she said, her tone soft.

"And to you, Miss."  His eyebrow cocked, asking for her name.

Oh, a gentleman, Rebecca thought to herself.  "Reynes, Rebecca Reynes.  Would you care to dance, Staff Sergeant?"

"If it would please you, I would love to."

He placed his hand in hers and she led him out onto the dance floor.  As they took up their positions, the violins and english horns in the gymnasium struck up a slow dance.  The trumpets led the rest of the orchestra in, and Rebecca could see recognition in Jayce's eyes.

"If you would like to wait for the next dance, I don't mind."

"No, I know this one."

"Then by all means, Staff Sergeant, take the lead."

Taking her hand in his, and placing his other hand at the small of her back he led her through a Viennese Waltz to a lively song she had never heard before.  As they spun, Rebecca had a vague notion that the crowd was emptying as dancing partners left the floor befuddled with how to dance to the song.  Around and around the two of them spun, and Rebecca noticed the depressed look had gone out of the young Staff Sergeant's eyes, replaced with the bright eyes of an intelligence young man.

When the song came to an end, he released her back and gracefully sidestepped as she had seen so many times on Dancing with the Stars, before raising the hand he still held and kissing it lightly.

At that point, the sudden applause from the crowd broke their eye contact and both looked around self-consciously.  At some point the floor had emptied and a light had shown on them.  She had been so lost in the feel of his arms and the scent of his skin that she had missed it entirely.

"Thank you for the dance, Miss Reynes."

"Oh no you don't," she whispered in his ear, "You don't get to dance like that and just walk away.  You owe me another one."

"As you wish."

The crowd refilled with dancers as the band struck up a livelier tune which Rebecca didn't recognize, but which the young Staff Sergeant at her side seemed to know as well.  In fact, he seemed to be singing along with the music at times.

When that dance finally ended, she took her leave, promising she would be right back.  She needed a breath of air before their next dance.

Lisa followed her into the Lady's room with the biggest look of shock on her face Rebecca had ever seen.  Granted, Lisa was hard to shock, so that wasn't actually saying much, but it was still amusing to see.

"Oh, my, God.  What was that?"

"What was what?" Rebecca asked, a little too innocently.  She didn't need to look in the mirror to know she was smiling from ear to ear.

"That dance.  How did you know to do that?"

"I didn't, he did.  I just followed his lead."

"Wow.  He was fantastic."  Lisa appeared to think for a moment.  "You know this means he is probably gay right."

Rebecca spit the glass of water she had been sipping all over the mirror.

"What are you talking about?"

"All the really good dancers are gay.  You know that right?"

"That is as absurd a stereotype as Asians can't drive cars and black people are lazy.  Come on Lisa, you are better than that."

"If you say so…" Lisa was clearly still skeptical.  "Besides, I thought you weren't coming here to find a boyfriend.  Something about the LSAT's and not having time."

"I can change my mind," Rebecca replied, "Lady's perogative."

Lisa's laugh followed Rebecca back out, where she watched a young woman in blue dancing with the Staff Sergeant.  When he caught her eye, he gave her a smile that said he wanted to dance with her again.

As soon as the dance was over, he politely took her leave and strode back over to Rebecca.

"You know, Staff Sergeant, you know my name, but I do not believe you have told me yours yet."

"My apologies, Miss Reynes.  I am Jason Forrester."

The couple danced for the rest of the night, and Rebecca could feel the daggers the other young women in the hall were looking her way.  As they stepped into the chill of the night, he helped her don her coat and held the door open for her.  It was, unusual, she thought.  And yet the deference he was showing her made her feel like a real young lady.

"Staff Sergeant, before I go, this is my phone number."  She wrote it on a slip of paper, folded it, and slipped it into his hand.  "Call me please, and don't wait three days."

"My pleasure Miss Reynes."

After her car drove off, Jayce stood looking at the slip of paper in his hand until his mother pulled up with her car.  He needed to buy a new car, he realized.  His was still in North Carolina, parked in front of the bachelor NCO barracks at Camp Lejeune.

"Did you have a good time?" his mother asked.

Jayce nodded and slipped the phone number into his pocket.  "Yeah, I did."

Chapter 3